Separation anxiety

It is Mother's Day today and guess what I found on the kitchen counter top when I woke up at 3 am to give Craig his bottle? A bunch of lilies! It's C's Mother's Day gift for his mommy! (How sweet, daddy!) I cannot wait till I receive a "real" gift from C. Later in the day, I received various text messages wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. It is wonderful and strange at the same time to be receiving Mother's Day wishes.  

As we celebrate Mother's Day today, it's also my last day of maternity leave. Tomorrow I go back to work. While we have childcare lined up, it does not start till June. Hence, for the next few weeks, Brian will take time off from his research and care for C when I am at work. I have been dreading going back to work for weeks now as I think of the many hours I will be away from my little boy. Tomorrow will be the first time we will be apart for more than 6 hours straight! I will miss him so much. But is is also good to know that he will be with daddy as opposed to a stranger caretaker. Daddy will need all the prayers he can get for the next few weeks!

Meanwhile, Craig's better gift to his mom today is his 3-hour long nap (still sleeping while I'm posting this)! His naps are still so erratic. They are typically short (20 minutes on the dot!) and when he does sleep past the 45-minute mark, he will go on to sleep for at least 2 hours. We are VERY thankful that he sleeps well at night, though.

It's all good

I, I'Ching, am having a bad day so far (work issues). But I took a few minutes off my work to transfer a picture I took this morning of C with his daddy. And one look at C's precious face (see below), all my anger, frustrations and disappointments just melt away. 

Today C turns 12 weeks old (or 3 lunar-months old). It seems rather confusing to me - are we supposed to count C's age according to calender month or lunar month i.e. 4 weeks a month? Anyway, he's a big boy now. We cannot believe how he has grown right before our eyes!  

Personal space

It has been exactly a week since Brian's mom went home and we are really thankful that her visit took place before the outbreak of the swine flu (pardon my political incorrectness for referring to it that way) gained profile. If not, her travel would be so much more complicated.

Out and about showing Nana around the city:

Now that Craig is almost 12 weeks old, it is also almost time for me to return to work. Just when I am beginning to enjoy my maternity leave with my son, it is time to go back to work. I cannot believe that it has been almost 3 months - in some ways the time has just sped by, and in other ways, it seems like it has been forever since we fell in love with the little chap.

A favorite recent shot of him - I love his grown-up expression!

He achieved yet another milestone this week - we moved him back to his own room 4 nights ago. He has been sleeping in his crib placed in our room since day one and this week we decided that it is time he (and we!) has his personal space. Now that he has gotten into a night time routine pretty much (goes to bed at 8pm, wakes for a dreamfeed at 3am and then sleeps till 7am), we figured that it would be better for all three of us if he goes back to his own room. I think all of us sleep better now. We are so proud of our little boy as, all things considered, he is a pretty easy-going baby. Well, grant us some allowance to be optimistic (versus realistic!) since we are first-time parents as  we hope things stay that way...

Jazz for Craig

We found a series of jazz CD's which claims has songs for kids which won't drive parents crazy when they are played for the 20 millionth time - Jazz for Kids. We ordered one from the series, Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap, Wiggle and Shake, and WE love it! We are convinced that Craig loves it, too, as he's always all excited and smiley when we play the CD. His current favorites from the album seems to be Old McDonald (Ella Fitzgerald) and Ain't nobody here but us chickens (Louis Jordan). If you have kids, we would highly recommend these CDs. We are definitely getting more from the series. Great fun!

Nana's visiting

Brian's mom finally arrived Singapore after an over 24-hour flight from NYC last Monday. It has been wonderful to have her around (not to mention the help we get with Craig!) and even more delightfull to see how she is bonding with the little chap. 

Over the weekend, we had to be in Melaka in Malaysia as Brian was invited to teach at an RZIM training program. So, we towed both Nana and her grandkid with us. Both did really well with the travel and Craig received much interest and attention from the participants of the weekend conference. After the program, Brian and mother made their way to Kuala Lumpur hosted by my sister while the little one and I traveled home. We didn't want to push our travel-limit too far with him. We are pleased that so far the travel has not disrupted his bedtime routine. He is still having difficulty with his daytime naps where he wakes up only after 20 minutes or so (when he does fall asleep!)

Below: Mother and son enjoying some hawker cuisine!

Invasion of the tykes!

Realizing the need for emotional support during these early trying days of being a mom, I, I'Ching, started networking with a group of February 2009 mothers on an online forum. After months of virtual relationship, a dozen of us met up for lunch at a neighborhood mall with our tykes in tow. 

It was great fun to finally meet these amazing mothers in person. But what was more meaningful was the camaraderie we felt with each other as we struggle through these first months of our baby. Inadequate breast milk? I see raised hands. Fussy baby? Yup, I'm not alone. Sleep protest? Check! Suddenly I felt less alone in the universe as we all identified with each other on the problems we're facing with our bambinos and bambinas. We're meeting again in a few weeks' time and this time it'll be a larger group. Will be delightful, I'm sure. (P.S.: Craig got honorary mention in the online forum afterwards as the "cute frowning baby"!)

Meanwhile, Craig is 8 weeks old today. We cannot believe he's already 2 months old! The past 8 weeks have been a blur of diapers changes, midnight feedings, lullabies and poop-reading. While time may seem to have flown by, every second still feels like an hour when we're trying to coax him to nap! 

He's doing so much better with night time sleep. We believe we've gotten him into a routine (we're keeping our fingers crossed!!!). For the past 2 weeks, around 7 pm, we would bathe him (he thoroughly enjoys his bath), give him a massage and then I'll nurse him followed by the bottle. Unfortunately, inevitably, colic would rear its ugly head at this time and we'd have to soothe the little one for 15 minutes or so before he settles down. Then, I'd swaddle him, kiss him goodnight and put him in his crib. He'll fall asleep in 10 minutes or so. Tonight though, he fussed in his crib for a while but fell asleep on his own eventually. We're praying that this pattern will continue till he's 7!

"I love you, Daddy!"

Craig's got mail!

Yes, more about Craig! Another first this week - first official letter. He received his social security card in the mail a few days ago. 

On Tuesday, too, he had his sixth week vaccinations  - our brave little boy took 2 jabs and an orally administered vaccine in stride. He merely let out a short-lived cry when he was given the injections and soon stopped when we soothed him. He got a little feverish in the evening, as expected, but nothing a little infant paracetamol won't ease! While at the doctor's we also weighed him - he's 4.2 kgs (9.24 lbs) heavy and has grown 4 cms to 55 cms now (that's 21.6 inches).

Meet the parents

After waiting for more than 5 weeks, my parents in Malaysia finally got to meet Craig (aka Chan Ka Hey). This means, Craig flew (to Kuala Lumpur) and took a long car trip (2-hour ride to Ipoh from Kuala Lumpur) for the first time. For the flight, we were prepared for the inevitable cry during ascent and descent but he did great - slept through on both flights (return). Another milestone is that he's gotten the first stamp on his passport!

In his baby seatbelt: Tied to mommy again!

Needless to say, both PohPoh and GungGung were delighted to meet him. He also met his Aunt IY and his other relatives in Ipoh.  Taking him out of his routine was a challenge though. He hardly napped during the day (over-stimulated) and fussed and cried more than he usually does. Though we've been home for almost 4 days now, he's still out of his character where he wakes up from his day naps so easily - so unlike the easygoing Craig we know before Ipoh! Someone commented that there's no such thing as "out of character" for a growing baby as they change all the time and hence impossible to predict. I'm learning this difficult truth the hard way!

1) GungGung's pride and joy!

2) PohPoh with grimacing fussy boy

A month already?

Craig turned a month-old last Tuesday. True to the Chinese tradition of celebrating a baby's "full-moon", we took him to church with us the first time and introduced him to the many friends who never got a chance to see him at the hospital when he was born. 

We are grateful to friends, J and K, for arranging the cakes and other light snacks for the mini-party after church service. They even took the trouble to make some red-colored eggs for the occasion (click here to learn more about this practice).

As expected, Craig was greeted by many ooh's and ahh's though he slept peacefully through the whole affair. He is now officially the youngest person to attend our church!

New luxuries

We've survived the first three weeks as parents to a newborn on our own! As my delivery date was drawing close last month, many well-meaning friends were trying to convince us that we WILL need a Confinement Lady (a Chinese version of a postpartum doula)  to help in the first month. While having help would be great, it is extremely costly to hire one in Singapore. Other than the fact that I'm not comfortable having a stranger stay with us for a month, I know the many constraints the Confinement Lady would place on me (like the need to refrain from showering for a month and not leaving the house for a whole month) would drive me insane. So we decided that we'll stick it out and see what happens. 

Craig having daddy-time:

We're pleased to announce that we are coping alright so far. Other than the expected struggle with breast feeding (I can almost write a book on what breast feeding has taught me about prayer!), we are so far merely plagued by sleep deprivation, and for Brian, by my frustrating demands and unreal expectations fueled by my Postpartum blues. Of course, we are also discovering that favorite past times like an episode of Star Trek, blogging or even checking emails are becoming new luxuries. Faced with the option of either a nap or replying emails, you can guess which wins hands down. Hence, this entry will have to be brief...  

Race: ?

Last Tuesday, a week after Craig's birth, we took him to his first appointment with his pediatrician. While we were filling in his details to register him at the reception, we found ourselves uncertain about one of the particulars - "Race: ....... " Hmm... I thought, he's not ethnically Chinese nor is he white. He's half-and-half. And I'm not sure what that would be. AmeriAsian? EurAsian? AmeriMalaysian? The receptionist told us to leave that space blank.

Brian encountered the same problem when he was applying for Craig's passport online a few days later. In the drop-down menu of "Race," there was none that aptly represents Craig's "race." (And I thought in today's political correct world, it would be rude to ask about one's race!). So, Brian opted for "Others." Poor boy - his race is Others. Talk about a "misfit"! But with a face like his, I'm sure fitting in would not be a problem! (And yes, all moms think their kids are the best looking!)

Craig's favorite sleep pose:

In a few days' his passport would be ready and he'd be ready to go to Malaysia to visit his PohPoh (and KungKung - Cantonese for maternal Grandfather) who is anxiously waiting to meet the little chap.

Craig's passport pix which looks too cute!

The mystery of death and the miracle of life

There are good reasons for our missing in action in the blogosphere. The last three weeks had been most eventful – mostly tearful for very diverse reasons. I, I’Ching, shall recount them chronologically.

“O death, where is your sting?”

Sometime last year, I gave a talk on death and mortality from a biblical worldview. In my talk, I contended that since death is the most certain thing in life and how it does not discriminate against gender, age nor race, we should embrace our death instead of resisting it when our turn is up.

On the third day of Chinese New Year, just as I returned home from work, we received a phone call from family in Ipoh, Malaysia, that my maternal grandmother had died unexpectedly. My aunt (my mother’s sister) found her lifeless body sprawled in her bathroom. It had only been a few hours before that she was sent home after spending a few days at my mom’s for the New Year celebration (she insisted on living alone after her stroke and surgery last April).

PohPoh (Grandma in Chinese Hakka dialect) holds a special place in my life as I spent my first few years with her. My parents had to leave me with her while they worked in a different city. So, in some ways, she was my “mom.” Throughout my adult life, she would always remind me of how I cried and cried for her when I finally had to return to my parents as I was starting first grade. This is only one of my many childhood stories that she would tell me over and over again. I will miss them…

But what was most heartbreaking for me was that I could not travel the hundreds of miles to bid my last goodbye to her due to my advanced stage of pregnancy. So, I had to mourn from a distance – calling family members every hour for an update. On January 30, 2009, my beloved PohPoh was buried at a Christian cemetery near Ipoh.

While I still believe that we should embrace death as it’s an appointment none of us will be spared, I learned that it is perhaps easier to contemplate the prospect of one’s own death than the death of a loved one. Always easier to leave than to be left behind…

For days after PohPoh’s death, I find myself constantly wondering about where she is. I believe in the immortality of our souls but where exactly do our souls “go” after death? Where is PohPoh now? While my biblical worldview leads me to believe in some certainties surrounding life and death, there is still so much about death that we do not comprehend till when it’s finally our turn.

Meanwhile, the lessons I’ve learnt the last few weeks starting from my mom’s accident in December is that we should never ever take our relationship with loved ones for granted as our finiteness deems us ignorant of when death should come knocking.

New man in our life!

As I’m writing this, the new love of my life is sleeping peacefully next to me oblivious to the tropical heat and the traffic noise downstairs. Little Craig Chan Thomas was born on February 10, 2009 at 8:29am. At birth he weighed 2.95 kgs (6.5 lbs) and measured 51 cm long (20 inches).

Craig’s due date was not till February 20 but at the doctor’s appointment on February 9, she informed us that my blood pressure was elevating and was at risk for pre-eclampsia. Inexplicably, I had also lost a kilogram over a week. When the doctor finally checked for dilation, she noticed that the structure of my pelvic bone would entail a very long and difficult natural birth. In fact, she may end up doing a Caesarean-section on me after all. Having considered all factors, Brian and I decided that it would be safest for both the baby and me to go through a C-Sect birth. I was, surprisingly, disappointed as I was all geared up for a natural birth though I had initially planned for an elective C-Sect. Oh well…

So, at 7am on February 10, I was wheeled into the Operation Theatre and less than 2 hours later I met the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen! He’s SO precious! One cannot imagine loving someone so intensely though you hardly know him until one becomes a parent! I’ve never seen Brian smile so much endlessly! It was like when we both first fell in love!

It’s amazing – a new life is truly a miracle as we observe his little fingers, toes and all – he’s a full person but just little! But so helpless and dependent! Looking at Craig’s present state of existence draws my mind to the humbling fact that God trusted humanity so much that the person of Christ came to earth first in the form of a helpless baby! God could have come in so many other more glorious ways but he chose to come through the birth canal of a peasant woman! How awesome!

More posts on parenthood and sleepless nights soon! Meanwhile, let’s just hope that baby Craig will get as much breastmilk as baby Jesus did!

Ushering in the year of the Ox

It's the first day of Chinese/Lunar New Year today where Chinese all over the world ushered in the year of the Ox and bade farewell to the year of the Rat. The New Year celebration is typically a family affair - family members would travel miles just to eat the reunion dinner together on the eve of the New Year. This has been the case for us the past few years but as we're restricted in our traveling by our advanced pregnancy this year, we stayed back in Singapore and planned on having Mickey D for a few days (as most local eateries would be closed for a few days here).  Thankfully, a kind souled friend invited us to her family's reunion dinner. As her brother is a chef, we were treated to a wonderful feast of Cantonese cuisine.

With the passing of the baton from the Rat to the Ox, it will also mean that our little boy will be born in the year of the Ox and hence, an Ox (Brian is a Rooster while I'm a Monkey). Brian was earlier a little concerned that he'd be born early and end up as a Rat. Not that he buys into any of the superstitions about these Zodiac animals but it just doesn't sound right to be a Rat! 

The next few weeks will see us anxiously anticipating the birth of Craig... it's so exciting and scary at the same time. Meanwhile, I've been working from home and will do so till I deliver.  

Mandarin oranges are commonly exchanged and served during the Chinese New Year celebration as the Chinese name for the oranges, "kum," sounds like the word for gold. Hence, it's good luck to exchange "gold"! 

Baby shower II

Ladies at our church gave us a baby shower last Saturday. It was a lot of fun as some of the mothers recall their experiences with labor and birth. As always, no meeting is complete without the accompaniment of some good food. From apple crumble to Cantonese glutinous rice, there was plenty of food for everyone.

Apart from the sea of words of wisdom (and warning!) from the ladies, they also presented us with a baby crib and a changing table plus a few other cute baby necessities. Thank you, dear friends, for your love!

A humorous moment (Pix credit: Lisa Mok) 

Both of us (the book shelf and I) are all bent out of shape carrying a load beyond us! 

(Pix credit: Lisa Mok)

Running out of space

This week saw me, I'Ching, entering the 34th week of pregnancy. That means, Craig's arrival is drawing very near! As he is going through a growth spurt at this stage, he is also running out of space to move around inside me. I can feel almost every single movement he makes - some more uncomfortable (even painful!) than others! We have found that he is usually more active in the evening and at night - hmmm... Sleep is increasingly elusive for me as I toss and turn for the right and comfortable position.

We finally got the hospital bag ready and for now, we're just marking time! While physically I'm definitely ready, I think both Brian and I are still not quite prepared  mentally and  emotionally. I guess no one can be a 100% ready to be  parent.

Thank you again for all who prayed for my mom. She is doing quite well though it'll be at least nine months before she can walk again. My dad has been quite a trooper in the way he has handled the whole situation and in the manner that he has been taking care of my mom. God is good.  

Mom and dad at Christmas in Kuala Lumpur: